I explained to my then fiance several years ago that she’d “ruined” it. She laughed. I was serious. So was she.
Single adults develop habits through the years that may seem unbreakable. Certainly you’ve heard the old adage, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
Well, if that mutt wants more from life than easing over from one shady spot in the yard to the next, then everyone has the capacity to learn and to change. The most profound promise about change is found in 2 Corinthians 5:17:
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
Yep, that means even the old dog, who everyone, including himself, thinks he can’t change. Guess what – he can. Love changes all.
To be clear about my exclamation to Leah about “ruining it,” I’d been single for about twenty years. I enjoyed my alone time. While ripping through life, there were weekends where I’d come home from duty on Friday and not speak to another human being until I returned on Monday.
I absolutely loved my alone time.
It wasn’t long after we’d started together that those long voids of just me in blissful silence began to wane. A text message or a call, followed by Facetime or Skype. Initially, I’d felt a bit cramped with my “space” being the victim. Soon, I realized that my desire was to spend those moments in her presence.
Yes, my alone time had been ruined.
Thank God it had been ruined. Genesis 2:24 makes God’s desire known from the very beginning of creation. It was important to God then, it’s important to God now. He wants us to know the intimacy of relationships.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
So, what changes, and is it scary when it does? I think this is a stumbling block for many independent, single people. They fear losing their identity. Ever seen a person’s Facebook page, and it wasn’t until later you found out that the person was actually married?
We’re not talking about a business profile page, but a personal page. Not one single picture or mention of their spouse, family, or kids. While some may be an effort of privacy, others are an attempt to conceal. I’ll admit, it was very different the first time I posted anything with Leah in it.
Now that you’re reassessing your social media profile and your alone time schedules, let’s go over 5 Things Love Changes:
Physical Changes – Love has physiological effects on your body. Chemical levels such as dopamine, testosterone,norepinephrine, histocompatibility complex (MHC), and Pheromones shift. These are all positive benefits.
Perspective – Love shifts your self-centered worldview into a shared, or partner-focused lens. Learning to see the world through another person’s heart is a powerful experience. It becomes a more transparent process as trust and love deepens.
Fighting Clean – Single people fight for one thing; preservation for their way of life. Throw a monkey wrench in their machinery and they come out fighting like an angry cat mistakenly bathed by a toilet’s flush. Love softens the heart for considering someone else’s point of view, and the potential for understanding that the world really doesn’t revolve around you.
Sexier Sex – Intimacy and trust lead to increased sexual pleasure. While being single and ready to mingle might make for a great beer commercial campaign, the reality of lonely nights, untrustworthy partners, or revolving door relations eventually leads to sexual dissatisfaction.
A Better You – Lets face it, when it’s only you that you have to please, becoming self-consumed is almost guaranteed. Without outside stimuli, rare is the occasion to grow or improve. Because it is God’s expressed will that two people should become one, it’s not only pleasing to Him, but immeasurably pleasing to you.
Having certain things in this life ruined are for the best. My single life perspective of “me time” had changed as my heart turned toward giving for another more than getting for myself. Open yourself up to your partner, and you may be glad they ruined it.
Be blessed,
Scott
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