Number Cruncher
How much thought have you given to the reality of remarriage? I know you’re aware that over 50% of all first marriages fail. Most of us like to chalk that one up to youth, inexperience, lack of support and anything other than the reality that you may have been part of the problem.
Okay, so we’re already playing from behind the 8-ball when we decide love has blossomed within months of the first failure. You’re wiser and know what to look for this go around. Right?
Sorry, but you’ll fall into the national demographic of the 67% who divorce a second time.
Well, we really have no choice now but to completely blame the other person because you were obviously the one better prepared to be awesome at marriage. Is this sounding familiar?
With a little age and much more wisdom, we allow more time to slide than the year or less we waited between marriages one and two. The possibility is greater that there’s a shallow sense of shame and the potential pool of participants has shrunk.
But, low and behold, you go for it. After all, lightning never strikes thrice.
Wrong again. Third trips to the altar end 73% of the time. Let’s stop to allow this to sink in. Almost 3 out of 4 marriages fail. Can you imagine going into a gunfight with those odds?
The divorce industry is ripe with services and solutions for making divorce better, easier and more lucrative. I ran across a blog about intelligent divorce with over 6,500,00 readers. Yes, that’s six and a half million readers. There aren’t that many people who attend marriage conferences or counseling.
What’s The Problem?
As with any type of data or information analysis, you look for patterns, outliers and common denominators. In the case of your track history of failed marriages, the rational choice of factors most actively contributing to divorce is you.
Most divorcees refuse to take inventory of the chaotic whirlwinds that swept them up in their spouses’ arm before leaving them flat on their backs.
A victimology sets in that supersedes personal responsibility or actual effective change.
..the possession of an outlook, arising from real or imagined victimization, that seems to glorify and indulge – the state of being a victim.
This benefits no one, but how do you go about ensuring that the next Mr or Miss right isn’t just another bombshell waiting to pump up the national statistic? Well, the easy answer is to avoid getting remarried, but that’s not the purpose of this article.
Divorce-Proofing
Do you believe that God created marriage? He did, and it’s the model He wants us to follow to enjoy a relationship with Him. You can become 100% sure that you will never divorce if you seek a bible-based marriage. So what does that look like?
What It’s Not
Let’s start by identifying what it does not look like. The notion that you’ll find your soul mate is contrary to what God desires for our lives. Ascribing so much value to another human being as to expect that they’ll “complete” you is actually a form of idol worship.
I know Tommy was the cute high school quarterback eighteen years ago, but if his interest in you, coupled with his most recent divorce gets in the way of your relationship with God, then Tommy has become your idol to worship.
Thou shalt have no other gods before me.Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;Exodus 20:3-5
God is very clear that He is all you need. The first step to building your foundation for a divorce-free marriage is to do just that – Depend on Him.
The next thing that a bible-based marriage is not, is conflict free.
We’re sold a delusional truth that the perfect marriage starts with the ultimate wedding. Unfortunately, once the last deviled egg is gulped down and the guests go home, couples are left with just themselves. What are we supposed to do once the photographer isn’t there to direct us and we’re not so fancy without our costumes?
The moment couples realize life isn’t without arguments, hurt feelings and lack of cash to continue the honeymoon-type travels is when marriages begin to fail.
Love is a decision. Couples can decide to continue loving no matter the challenge or circumstance.
What It Is
The very first thing God did for man was to give him a helper. I love the original Hebrew term used for woman. It is ezer, and it is a combination of two roots: `-z-r, meaning “to rescue, to save,” and g-z-r, meaning “to be strong.”
This was the very first marriage in history, and it was created by God so we may share a relationship with each other similar to the one He longs to have with us.
A bible-based marriage understands they are bound together in a holy partnership made possible by the decision to love each other. This is where fantasy and anticipation lead to an unrealistic expectation of matrimonial bliss.
The couple must place God first, yes even before their kids, careers and themselves. It is through this prioritization that couples actively seek God’s desire for their marriage. This joint pursuit also leads to an intimacy between husband and wife that is not found in any other activity.
Unfun?
While some religions put the kibosh on a good time, the bible teaches just the opposite. God created sex to be enjoyed by a husband and wife. He also created joy, peace and the happiness of two loving people becoming one.
Committed couples not only enjoy higher levels of personal satisfaction, but realize social, mental and physical health benefits beyond the swinging single.
Different Stuff, No Divorce
God is a loving God of second chances. He did not create marriage to fail. Once we introduce sin into the holy covenant, we become chained to the reality of failure. Ask – plead – beg God for forgiveness and healing from your sins. God does allow other chances at marriage. But don’t be fooled into thinking you can go back to the old ways.
God will no longer “wink” at your indiscretions once He’s given you yet another precious gift of a God-loving spouse. Change yourself to change your circumstances. This isn’t the movie Groundhog day – it’s a new day and opportunity for much different stuff.
Lead From The Front,
Scott