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  • Writer's pictureBlue Marriage

Pilate Wouldn’t Do It, Will You? Listening To Your Wife

Just then, as Pilate was sitting on the judgment seat, his wife sent him this message: “Leave that innocent man (Jesus) alone. I suffered through a terrible nightmare about him last night.” Matthew 27:19

Why don’t men listen to their wives? Is it genetically encoded, or just a cultural practice to ensure man’s place at the head of the household? There is a difference between listening and waiting for them to stop talking so you can finish the conversation.

I fully realize this doesn’t apply to every man, but it is still a consequence of an inequitable model of communications. Often the need for men to “fix it” interferes with a true exchange of ideas. For guys, talking isn’t doing and if you’re not doing, then you’re not fixing.

It is a scientific fact that women say about 20,000 words per day as compared to a man’s mere 7,000 words per day. Recently, scientists have attributed this extra 13,000 words per day to a protein called Foxp2. Samples show females have 30% more of the protein in a brain area key to language in humans.


It’s vital that husbands learn to listen to their wives. And, while it may not feel natural or come comfortably, you can train yourself to become a true listener.

If your wife communicates in a manner that makes it tough for you to comprehend what it is she’s actually saying, then talk to her about it.

It’s not being mean to work together for finding a workable communication’s model, but it is destructive to continue in a relationship where there is no true communication.

But please, before you approach her about changing anything, take the time to pray that God will change you to be a better listener. Ask God to create the changes in you in areas such as sincere concern, interest, patience, processing and validation of her expression.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:3-5

Once you’ve prayed for God to take the “plank” out of your eye, give true, purposeful listening a try. These are but a few reasons why it’s so critical to listen to your wife.

  1. It shows love and respect.

  2. It helps you to see a full perspective in a given situation.

  3. It shows your patience and wisdom.

  4. It teaches your sons how to value a woman and their future wife by honoring her words.

  5. It shows your daughters how to expect to be treated and honored by men and her future husband.

  6. It reveals the Christ in you.

There is no coincidence that Pilate’s wife, Claudia was highlighted in Matthew 27:19. It’s one of the most critical times in all of history, and one man had one chance to heed his wife’s words. Pilate, who was considered a righteous man, suffered as a result of his decision.

Guys, this isn’t to admonish each other, but to build us up. God purposefully created men different from women. Our masculinity doesn’t make us better than their femininity.


Each is a unique gift from God, crafted specifically by the Creator of life to compliment each other. Communication is God’s way of fellowshipping with us, and it’s His way for us to intimately know each other. Give active listening a try.

If Pilate Wouldn’t Do It, Will You? Listening To Your Wife encouraged you, please share it using the links below so we can encourage others too!


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